A love so deep.

A love so deep.

Life as I know it now, being a parent for the first time earthside. Raising a little being beyond day 3. It is filled with such immense joy. Joy because we finally got here. We got through a year of grief, pain and fear. We got through the anxiety. The unknown. We got through it to have our baby Elle.

It is almost with as much happiness I write with the same level of sadness. I have a smile so big on my face but tears still fall from my eyes.

I couldn’t count on one hand the amount of times I have sat and stared at my daughter with a full heart only to have the tears from a still shattered heart fall onto her head.

The reality is accepting everything that has happened in the last year to be here. The way I held my feelings close and tight. I held them secure because securing everything within is what is sometimes best. I knew it was best for me. Yet there would still be moments that all I felt inside would seep through the cracks and outpour when I least expect it. It would build and crumble when my heart needed to release.

All this happiness is shadowed by pain. A pain I won’t let my daughter feel but a pain she will grow to understand because it is what represents a love so deep. A love for what is lost.

I’ll never forget what life should have looked like.


Mikhailla x

2 thoughts on “A love so deep.”

  • Your doing amazing hun i have a 14 month old girl I coudlnt even imagine what it would of been like to hold a healthy baby then not come home with them! And then to do it all again not even a year later your an amazingly strong woman and your baby girl is so lucky to have you! Good luck with everything hun shes stunning and i love seeing your posts!

    • Thank you so much lovely. It’s definitely been a tough journey to get here and it continues to be one I am learning to grow with. My heart is healing but it will always still have cracks in it that’s for sure xx

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