It begins when you are first pregnant, that first time pregnancy opens the doors to an influx of unwarranted advice. Being a mom is hard and all the advice to be for mom that follows makes it all the more challenging! While it is all meant in the best way possible a woman emotional state through pregnancy and mum life is just not prepared to stomach the advice consistently thrown her way.
I often like to rewind to my pregnant self where I felt I was bold, affirmative and knew exactly what I was going to do as a mama. I was confident in my ability and not afraid to express that. My ability to how I would raise my child and the decisions I would make. I love being a mom but the advice for new moms is brutal!
People always tell you that you will get a lot of advice. Just acknowledge it and do it how you would anyway.
Sounds simple enough right? Except no one prepared you for the emotional attachment you’ll form behind the advice given directly to you. The way it will make you question your own abilities, decisions and bring about confusion but most of all how you will struggle to tell them to their face when something is bothering you.
Why am I a closet bad ass but I can’t say it to your damn face that I don’t want your advice?
Well these are just some of the things a new mum won’t say to your face but wish you would understand that she dislikes the following and in no particular order. Warning: this list may grow.
- KISSING HER BABY
We have all seen articles surely about how kissing newborns can be fatal. Just don’t worry a new mum with unwarranted kisses all over her baby. - TELLING HER THAT BREASTMILK ISN’T ENOUGH
Please know she is trying her hardest and it took her a lot to breastfeed already. Support her. - TELLING HER THE BABY NEEDS TO GO TO SLEEP
She is just trying to work her baby out for herself. She spends a lot more time with it than you. - TELLING HER IT IS TIME TO START SOLIDS
She is trusting her mama instinct and will start when she is ready. - TELLING HER THAT THE BABY SHOULD SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT
You don’t remember your baby waking through the night because it was a long time ago now. You forget the bad days, let’s be honest. - QUESTIONING HER ‘ROUTINE’ CHOICES
This is something she probably spent time working out what works for her baby. Her baby, her way. - WALKING AWAY FROM HER WITH HER BABY
There is no need to walk away from a mama with her baby in your arms. She enjoys the new found 24/7 partner in crime. - PUTTING YOUR FINGERS IN HER BABIES MOUTH
Please don’t feel their mouth for teeth. Your germs are unwanted. - COUGHING NEAR HER BABY
Any sign of sickness and it is best to stay away! - TELLING HER WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER BABY
Please don’t make assumptions. Let her ask you if something is concerning her. - TELLING HER SHE SHOULD HAVE A NIGHT AWAY FROM HER BABY
After 10 months of pregnancy wondering what her baby would look like, the last thing she wants is to ever be apart from her baby. She will have a night away when ready, not asked. - TELLING HER WHAT YOU DID
This is one for the family members often quick to provide advice where it isn’t asked. What you did worked for you but don’t let her know unless she has really asked. Listen to what she is saying first.
Everything becomes so much more emotionally personal when advice is given as a new mum.
You really hold your decisions close to your heart. You have already done a lot of research and probably already know about the suggestions someone is going to give. It is good to remember if it isn’t asked for to simply just not share the thoughts that come straight to your mind when in conversation with a new mama.
She will reach out if she needs to.
If advice is something a new mum wants, just wait for it because she will reach out. She will ask and this will be a far better conversation.
