This is one of the most commonly asked questions I felt I have received on the social media platform instagram since I first began sharing and documenting my grief journey of losing our son Foxx at three days old.
I remember all too well the gifts we received in tribute of his life that was short lived and soon lost from this world. Our house burst with flowers. Bouquet after bouquet. They were delivered hourly all day once we shared the news that our newborn son had arrived and fought a battle to stay on this earth for three days but was too precious for this world and welcomed into the arms above.
I remember how I felt each time those flowers arrived. I would open a card and cry. I would cry and cry. This was really happening. This wasn’t just a nightmare but one that was in fact real and as real and alive as the flowers we were receiving were. I couldn’t bear filling my home with flowers full of colour and beauty. They were all so beautiful but as they arrived I would continue to compile and hide them within the room our newborn son was meant to be sweetly sleeping in. I’d close the door and try to forget.
Grief is dealt with differently by everyone. There is no right or wrong way to process loss in our life. It is one experience that we equally can never prepare our hearts for nor will our emotions ever be an expert at.
Gift Giving in Loss
There are gifts to give in child loss and I do encourage that if you know someone has experienced loss whether miscarriage, neonatal or child loss that gift giving can signify the moment in time that a child once lived here too. That you acknowledge their presence and send love to overcome parents grief.
I know now that the items I received that have lasted through the years I have journeyed grief and child loss are the very things I look at now and can smile. These items are things that now hold the memory of our son, the pain we felt and the joy that surrounds us now. These things allow me to be taken back to the very vivid memories that bring my son alive again in my mind. Alive with acceptance but yet so very dearly missed.
Top Items to Gift in Loss
A SENTIMENTAL PRINT– words when carefully written and tenderly shared can be soothing for the soul. These words will allow someone suffering in the midst of grief to just tune in for a moment to what is being said and resonate wholeheartedly. In the years to come those same very words will mean something different to them. They will be a reflection of the journey that was and the journey as it is now. A sentimental print with a quote is something they can feature in the home without being prompted for more of its meaning by guests who pass in and out. It will always have a special place. Shop my words and instant downloadable prints by clicking here.
- NAME NECKLACE – If you know the babies name, the babies gemstone or something that resonates with the family then a custom name necklace can mean so much to a mum who can wear it and always hold their little one close to their heart. Opt for a good quality brand to ensure it doesn’t break. I love the brand Francesca for quality necklaces with sentimental lettering. Shop Francesca range here and utilise discount code MIKHAILLA15 at checkout to save.
- CARE PACKAGE– Create a care package with a few or mum and/or dad’s favourite things. Include their favourite chocolate, a book to unwind, a candle to capture the smell in time, new perfume, a blanket to snuggle and cry and a journal to encourage them to write. This is a gift where the thought really counts and the variety will keep them distracted. I highly recommend for someone who has recently experience miscarriage.
- HOME-COOKED MEALS– It is always said that food is the way to anyones heart and it is true. Food brings as much warmth as it does calm. The last thing someone wants to do is return to normality following loss and there is only so much take away you can immerse yourself in before you crave a home-cooked meal. Support the parents who are suffering with your favourite home-cooked recipe enough to last a week. Your time and generosity will be well received.
- DONATE IN THEIR NAME– Donate and support an infant and child loss support group like Sands Australia in the child’s name. Your donation won’t only help the suffering parents but will help a community of parents who are experiencing a journey much like their own.
- REGISTER A STAR– This star name registry is something that can give a child who is no longer earth side somewhere they can always call home. A place for parents and siblings to look to the sky and find them on the darkest nights.
- DRIED FLOWERS– Giving flowers in moments of celebration and moments of sadness has been a long-standing tradition but with the ongoing trend of dried flowers you will be able to ensure flowers last longer than a week. They can be set in vase and space within a families home for the long run to always pass by and remember their child.
- CANDLE– A candle is a perfect sentimental gift that can create a smell that a family can recognise as their childs own. Each time they light the candle it can be in honour of their child and release memories of pain as they think of them at night. I personally love Blossom By Ash candles (discount code – MIKHAILLA). I would opt for something light and breezy like sea salt & ocean breeze as a restoring yet comforting scent.
Before you go…
It might feel awkward and un-natural to delay the process and promptness of sending a gift to someone who has just experienced loss and naturally this will lead you to always searching for a flower company who can deliver on the same day but as a parent who has loved and lost. Your delayed gift with thought and care will be the very gift they hold on to for a long time to come and continue to share and love.
I hope this helps you to choose the perfect gift to show someone that you are thinking of them during this time.
Please speak to your friend/family member often and let them know you are always there.
On the days they don’t reply, don’t be upset or worried you said something wrong just continue to let them know you are still there.
They need your continued effort to reach out and care, even if it feels like they keep pushing you away.